Just an update
Today is Thursday, which means it is Weigh In Day again. I was VERY nervous this morning. Can you guess why??

Once again, I am going back to my old, crummy habits. I know, I know. Why do you think I quit blogging? Cause I am ashamed and depressed and I don't want people knowing that I can't control myself. This is so embarrassing.

Well, I weighed in this morning at a whopping 174.6!!!

Now, for those of you that don't remember, when I quit juicing, I weighed 168.0. That means in the 4 weeks since I have been back to "normal" eating, I have gained 6.6 pounds. Although I can try and justify the amount and say that its not too much... deep down, I feel horrible about it. And I don't mean just emotionally. Physically, I feel crappier and crappier each day it seems. I feel bloated, clogged up, tired, emotional, and I am back to "needing" my caffeine. I'm on a downward spiral to my old self.. and I don't want to be my old self. I liked the "me" that I became while juicing & water fasting and eating RAW. 

The way I feel now, I tell my husband and everyone else that will listen "THIS is why I was on ALL the supplements!! Because this is how I felt and I was trying to get rid of this horrible feeling." Well, now I know, I have proven it to myself. Even though I think that juicing or eating raw is hard or undesirable, it really, truly is not. I want to be juicing again. I want to eat RAW. But for some reason, it seems so hard to start again and to stick to it. All this processed food seems appealing to the eye and the mind, but it makes the body feel like crap... I think I might need to get Jenni on my case again and "make" me go back to juicing/eating RAW 
I'm trying to set myself up and work out a plan and actually go back to juicing for a while, then eating RAW. I am actually looking forward to it. For some reason, I'm an "all or nothing" kinda girl. I am either full blown ALL into juicing/fasting/eating raw, or I will do nothing. At the moment, I am doing nothing but stuffing my face and being a lazy butt. Eew. 

Well, there you have it. Please don't make fun of me. I am embarrassed enough as it is. I feel like my face has exploded with fat. I am still wearing my "skinny" clothes that I was able to fit into after juicing. Granted, some I can't wear anymore and some I just don't want to cause it is now uncomfortable, but I did not have to go up in size. So that makes me happy. 

I really want to start using my elliptical again. I'll see if I can drag myself on it tonight... or tomorrow...

Thanks for reading my whining blog post. Hope it'll start being cheery again soon.
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5 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    It takes a lot of courage to publicly admit failure. Understandably, you are upset, but you shouldn't kick yourself, or feel ashamed. It's not your fault. Dieting is like holding your breath, it's not sustainable. There was no way you could keep it up.

    While I enjoyed reading your blog, there is a lot of negativity and self-hate. :( You must learn to feel good about yourself.

    For many people, their stable weight is higher than what the TV would have you believe is "normal". It's programmed in your DNA, and the harder you try to deviate from it, the harder you will bounce back. I'm heavier than average - and so is my mom, several of my siblings, and many cousins. We can be healthy, but we cannot naturally be skinny - our genetic blueprints won't allow it.

    You seem to desperately want to lose weight. Why? Are you doing it for your husband, Jenni, the bathroom scale?

    The bathroom scale can't tell the difference between muscle, bone, or fat. It can't tell whether you're fit or not. It doesn't know that you're a beautiful person.

    Your husband sounds like a good man. Does he ever complain about your weight? My guess is, he doesn't. I'll tell you a secret: big women can be sexy. Their curves can drive their husbands mad with desire. It's not about the weight, it's all about proper distribution (ask your hubby if he thinks your breasts are too big). Do a little exercise to maintain the waistline and keep the arms and thighs firm. By the way, the best form of exercise is lovemaking: you get a cardio workout while having lots of fun with your husband! ;o)

    One thing that does turn men off, is when the woman deprecates herself. Don't ever call yourself fat, or lazy, or weak. Especially not in front of him. Positive thinking goes a long way. Look at yourself in the mirror, the whole of you (your husband sees you this way, he doesn't fixate on the parts like women tend to do). Marvel at how wonderfully God made you.

    The way to live a healthy lifestyle, is to make small changes, and enjoy the process. Eat food that is both delicious and good for you. Go to bed early. Try different activities to find the ones that work for you, and to keep things from getting boring. Tennis, swimming, running, walking, hiking, biking, skiing, martial arts. You get the idea.

    Be happy, my sister. :)

  2. Sweet Treats Says:

    i like the comment above!

  3. Exercise and proper diet is the best alternative in losing weight. One of the keys for weight loss is to know the right weight loss tips accompanied by a proper exercise program.There are no magic solutions or diet supplements that can reduce your weight in an instant. Motivation and dedication are also important aspects when you engage yourself in a weight loss and diet program.

  4. Sweet Treats Says:

    anna, your 9 days behind on your blog :-)

  5. Jenni Says:

    I know... What's up with that!?!
    Your 12 days late now! ;o)

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    Spokane, WA, United States
    I am blessed to be a wife to a wonderful man and a mom to 3 amazing boys!! God has blessed me and I am forever grateful! My 1 struggle in life has been my weight... its a hard burden to carry.


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