Last Post of 2011
Well, 2011 is coming to an end. It has been a wonderful year. Filled with lots of fun, blessings, lessons, and love. I have really enjoyed it and am very thankful to God for all He has done for and given me. 

As most of my readers know, my family usually all gets together at a hotel to celebrate the New Year. My goal this year (and every year) was to reach my all time wannabe weight of 155. Since Valik & Jenni introduced me to the Juicing Cleanse/Fast this year, I actually thought my dream weight was reachable. 

I'll spare you all the details. For those of you who have been reading my blog, you know all the ups & downs I have gone through. 

But I'm going to summarize my weight for 2011

The most I weighed this year was 197.4 on June 27th.

On September 22nd I started Juicing Cleansing at 192.0 pounds

27 days into my Juice Cleansing, weighing 177.4, I started a 10 day water fast. 
I ended the 10 day water fast weighing 163.8
I actually ended up gaining a few pounds when I added juice back in, and when I finished my 40 day total Juice/Water Cleanse, I weighed 168.0 on November 1st.

I was really thrilled with my results and thought for sure this would be the 1st New Years that I would really enjoy being at the hotel because I would feel good in a swim suit.

Well, I did not do so well with all the holidays. Actually, I pretty much sucked. I totally did not control myself. No idea why, but I just went all into the binging. Trust me, I didn't enjoy it. It made me feel sick and fat. I was (and am) disappointed with myself for letting myself go after doing such an amazing thing such as then 40 day Juice Cleanse.

Well, New Years is here once again. I do still fit way better into my swim suit than I ever have before... but I still wear a tank top on top of it, and cover up as soon as I'm out of the water. I can't just relax and enjoy myself. I am still very self conscience. 

Despite not reaching my weight goal, I am still having a wonderful time on this little get away of ours. 

So my final weigh in for 2011 is
178.2 
(which means I gained 10.2 pounds since I stopped juicing)

I am 19.2 pounds lighter than my "most" weight of the year, but I am still 23.2 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight. 

Come January, I am really wanting to do another Juice Cleanse.... but we'll see how that works out...

Hope you had a great 2011, but I hope you have an EVEN GREATER 2012! God's Blessings!!
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In Reply To A Comment
Comment posted by: Anonymous  
On: December 2, 2011 2:42 AM

It takes a lot of courage to publicly admit failure. Understandably, you are upset, but you shouldn't kick yourself, or feel ashamed. It's not your fault. Dieting is like holding your breath, it's not sustainable. There was no way you could keep it up.

While I enjoyed reading your blog, there is a lot of negativity and self-hate. :( You must learn to feel good about yourself.

Thanks, I am glad you enjoyed reading my blog. I do admit to having negativity towards myself, but only when it comes to my weight. I have tried, and keep trying to feel good about myself, but its not so easy for me just yet...

For many people, their stable weight is higher than what the TV would have you believe is "normal". It's programmed in your DNA, and the harder you try to deviate from it, the harder you will bounce back. I'm heavier than average - and so is my mom, several of my siblings, and many cousins. We can be healthy, but we cannot naturally be skinny - our genetic blueprints won't allow it.

I do understand what you are saying... but I have been skinnier before, thus I have faith that I should be able to get there again... I just need to get my head straight and quit quitting... I'm not trying to be super model thin, just pleasantly thin...

You seem to desperately want to lose weight. Why? Are you doing it for your husband, Jenni, the bathroom scale?

I am desperate to lose weight, and I don't hide the fact. Why? Because I do not like the extra fat that I am carrying. I do not like having to stand in front of my closet every morning thinking "What clings less to me? What shows the least amount of bulge & rolls? What can I use as a "fat cover"? What pants will not give me a muffin top?

I am doing this for me. I want to be happy with myself. I want to look in the mirror & like what I see. I want to be able to wear anything I want and look and feel great in it. I want to feel comfortable around people, to be myself, and not have to be self conscious the whole time, wondering what needs to be adjusted where to hide the most fat. 

The bathroom scale can't tell the difference between muscle, bone, or fat. It can't tell whether you're fit or not. It doesn't know that you're a beautiful person.

Your husband sounds like a good man. Does he ever complain about your weight? My guess is, he doesn't. I'll tell you a secret: big women can be sexy. Their curves can drive their husbands mad with desire. It's not about the weight, it's all about proper distribution (ask your hubby if he thinks your breasts are too big). Do a little exercise to maintain the waistline and keep the arms and thighs firm. By the way, the best form of exercise is lovemaking: you get a cardio workout while having lots of fun with your husband! ;o)

My husband is an amazing man! I am absolutely blessed and thankful to have him! No, he doesn't complain about my weight. He just listens to me complain about it & then tries to make me believe that it's not that big of an issue. To me, it is. 

One thing that does turn men off, is when the woman deprecates herself. Don't ever call yourself fat, or lazy, or weak. Especially not in front of him. Positive thinking goes a long way. Look at yourself in the mirror, the whole of you (your husband sees you this way, he doesn't fixate on the parts like women tend to do). Marvel at how wonderfully God made you.

I know God made me. And I know He made me wonderfully and I am very thankful for the way He made me. BUT I made myself fat. I chose to stuff my face with junk non stop. God did make me wonderfully, but I seem to have "ruined" His design and now I am trying to fix it... 

The way to live a healthy lifestyle, is to make small changes, and enjoy the process. Eat food that is both delicious and good for you. Go to bed early. Try different activities to find the ones that work for you, and to keep things from getting boring. Tennis, swimming, running, walking, hiking, biking, skiing, martial arts. You get the idea.

Be happy, my sister. :)

Thank you for the time you spent writing this. I don't know who you are, but your words really did mean a lot to me. I ponder on them often. I am trying to learn to be happy with myself, but every morning its the same issue...trying to find clothes to be happy in.

I don't hate myself. Nor do I hate life. I really do enjoy my life, I just think that if I were able to lose these last 20 pounds, I would be able to enjoy my life much more. I would be healthier & happier... I will not stop trying... 
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Just an update
Today is Thursday, which means it is Weigh In Day again. I was VERY nervous this morning. Can you guess why??

Once again, I am going back to my old, crummy habits. I know, I know. Why do you think I quit blogging? Cause I am ashamed and depressed and I don't want people knowing that I can't control myself. This is so embarrassing.

Well, I weighed in this morning at a whopping 174.6!!!


Now, for those of you that don't remember, when I quit juicing, I weighed 168.0. That means in the 4 weeks since I have been back to "normal" eating, I have gained 6.6 pounds. Although I can try and justify the amount and say that its not too much... deep down, I feel horrible about it. And I don't mean just emotionally. Physically, I feel crappier and crappier each day it seems. I feel bloated, clogged up, tired, emotional, and I am back to "needing" my caffeine. I'm on a downward spiral to my old self.. and I don't want to be my old self. I liked the "me" that I became while juicing & water fasting and eating RAW. 

The way I feel now, I tell my husband and everyone else that will listen "THIS is why I was on ALL the supplements!! Because this is how I felt and I was trying to get rid of this horrible feeling." Well, now I know, I have proven it to myself. Even though I think that juicing or eating raw is hard or undesirable, it really, truly is not. I want to be juicing again. I want to eat RAW. But for some reason, it seems so hard to start again and to stick to it. All this processed food seems appealing to the eye and the mind, but it makes the body feel like crap... I think I might need to get Jenni on my case again and "make" me go back to juicing/eating RAW 
I'm trying to set myself up and work out a plan and actually go back to juicing for a while, then eating RAW. I am actually looking forward to it. For some reason, I'm an "all or nothing" kinda girl. I am either full blown ALL into juicing/fasting/eating raw, or I will do nothing. At the moment, I am doing nothing but stuffing my face and being a lazy butt. Eew. 

Well, there you have it. Please don't make fun of me. I am embarrassed enough as it is. I feel like my face has exploded with fat. I am still wearing my "skinny" clothes that I was able to fit into after juicing. Granted, some I can't wear anymore and some I just don't want to cause it is now uncomfortable, but I did not have to go up in size. So that makes me happy. 

I really want to start using my elliptical again. I'll see if I can drag myself on it tonight... or tomorrow...

Thanks for reading my whining blog post. Hope it'll start being cheery again soon.
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  • About Me

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    I am blessed to be a wife to a wonderful man and a mom to 3 amazing boys!! God has blessed me and I am forever grateful! My 1 struggle in life has been my weight... its a hard burden to carry.

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