Excitement. Achievement. Joy. Regret. Guilt. Worry. Stress. Exhaustion. Fear. Hope.
Those are all the feelings raging inside of me at this one very moment. How can I one person feel so much at once and all about one subject?
I feel excitement, achievement and joy because I went shopping... and I was able to buy SMALLER clothes!! Currently I wear a size 12 in Misses. I know. It sounds/feels huge. But today I was able to buy a few articles of clothing that were size 10.. one was even a size 8!!! Can you imagine how happy I was/am!!!
At the same time I am feeling regret and guilt. Why do I have those feelings you might ask?? Well, let me tell you. Because I had sugar today. AAAHHHH... I know.. lol.. thats not all though. My sister Jenni invited my family to join her family for dinner. I knew I was in trouble. They cook SO good!! So for dinner we had oven baked Salmon and baby red potatoes with butter & dill. Along with that we had organic Caesar salad and fresh home baked bread. What do you think I did?? I ate. And I ate. And then I ate some more. It tasted SO unbelievably good I just couldn't stop myself!! And to make matters worse (or better, depending on which way you look at it) for dessert we had absolutely delicious Tiramisu and home-baked Russian "bulachki". Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it. Now I am just thinking of tomorrow morning... when I have to get on that scale again... That's where the worry, stress, and fear come in. I am worried that when I get on that scale in the morning, it will have gone up instead of down. And that REALLY stresses me out.
But I also feel hope. Somewhere deep down inside, I know that I can still go on, even if tomorrows numbers don't make me happy. Not everyday is like this. Most days I do REALLY well. I achieve all my goals. But then there are some days that I just let myself savor the moment... (and then freak out about it). But I just have to not give up. One day might set me back a bit... but I just need to get back up and start trying my hardest. Back to my baby steps. Focus on the day at hand. Not the hard day behind, nor the goal that seems unreachable. But at the moment at hand. What can I do NOW that will help me? With God ALL things are possible!
Those are all the feelings raging inside of me at this one very moment. How can I one person feel so much at once and all about one subject?
I feel excitement, achievement and joy because I went shopping... and I was able to buy SMALLER clothes!! Currently I wear a size 12 in Misses. I know. It sounds/feels huge. But today I was able to buy a few articles of clothing that were size 10.. one was even a size 8!!! Can you imagine how happy I was/am!!!
At the same time I am feeling regret and guilt. Why do I have those feelings you might ask?? Well, let me tell you. Because I had sugar today. AAAHHHH... I know.. lol.. thats not all though. My sister Jenni invited my family to join her family for dinner. I knew I was in trouble. They cook SO good!! So for dinner we had oven baked Salmon and baby red potatoes with butter & dill. Along with that we had organic Caesar salad and fresh home baked bread. What do you think I did?? I ate. And I ate. And then I ate some more. It tasted SO unbelievably good I just couldn't stop myself!! And to make matters worse (or better, depending on which way you look at it) for dessert we had absolutely delicious Tiramisu and home-baked Russian "bulachki". Ugh! Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it. Now I am just thinking of tomorrow morning... when I have to get on that scale again... That's where the worry, stress, and fear come in. I am worried that when I get on that scale in the morning, it will have gone up instead of down. And that REALLY stresses me out.
But I also feel hope. Somewhere deep down inside, I know that I can still go on, even if tomorrows numbers don't make me happy. Not everyday is like this. Most days I do REALLY well. I achieve all my goals. But then there are some days that I just let myself savor the moment... (and then freak out about it). But I just have to not give up. One day might set me back a bit... but I just need to get back up and start trying my hardest. Back to my baby steps. Focus on the day at hand. Not the hard day behind, nor the goal that seems unreachable. But at the moment at hand. What can I do NOW that will help me? With God ALL things are possible!
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