My Latest Weigh In
Did mention that since this last Monday (May 24) I have finally been trying to stay within my points range?? I now have the "equipment" that I need to be able to do that, so the weight watchers plan has become a lot easier to stick to.  

I am VERY HAPPY to announce, that on Thursday (May 27) I weighed in at

You cannot possibly know how excited I was to see those numbers!! I was totally shocked!! That means I lost 1.8 (that's 1 and 1/2) pounds since my last weight in!! 

Since I started the Weight Watchers program (May 1st) almost a month ago , I have lost a total of 4.6 pounds! I know that does NOT seem like a lot, but to me, that is HUGE!! (And if you recall, I slacked for about 2 or 3 weeks out of the month due to that fact that I did not have easy access to the "equipment" (such as the books & calculator) that I needed)

The numbers on the scale have either stayed the same or gone up when I have weighed myself in the last few years, so to finally see them go down, it is totally amazing to me!

I have several people who have done (or are still doing the weight watchers program) that have been TONS of help to me! They are an inspiration, and have been there for me every step of the way thus far.. answering all my questions (and trust me, there's been LOTS of those), giving advice, letting me borrow all the necessary material. Its been such a blessing! Thank you gals SO much!
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the Old Spaghetti Factory Review
I'm not sure if anyone cares in the least bit, but I decided to share what I thought about the Old Spaghetti Factory.
I've been wanting try it for a few years now, and I finally did!
First thing first, the parking TOTALLY sucks! We had to leave our cars at work and walk a little ways cause there is just no where to park your car. So be aware of that... and remember, it is downtown.. so make sure you stay safe.
I like the appearance of the restaurant. I felt like I was in "Alice in Wonderland" (NOT the new freaky one). It looked like the tables were not too close, the booths had high walls, and it was dim. So it felt like you had plenty of privacy and weren't listening to everyone elses conversations. 
Now on to the menu.. I was a little disappointed. It just looked like there was not much to choose from AT ALL. Since I am on the Weight Watchers diet, I had to be very careful. I printed off their nutritional info and basically studied it. Almost everything there was WAY beyond my allowed points. Most dishes were well into the 20's and even some were 30 points. I was a little disappointed with that. I was able to find 1 item on their menu that I could have and NOT go over my points. I ordered their Spinach & Cheese Ravioli (10 points). It came with my choice of soup or salad, and I went for the Minestrone (1 point for 9oz). I think that was my 1st time ever having that soup.. and I wasn't thrilled. It was ok, and pretty filling for the time being.. but I like my soups more creamy and this one was way too watery. The ravioli impressed me. I had my doubts, but after dumping LOTS of pepper in there, it tasted good. The sourdough bread... now THAT I REALLY liked!! Especially with the butter on it! Yum! The dinner also included my choice of either Vanilla or Spumoni ice cream. I went with the Spumoni, which cost me 4 points and was NOT worth it!! I totally could have done without it. I'd rather have eaten another slice or two of the bread with butter... 
So all in all I like the place. I'm definitely willing to go back. I think we'll try it out with our family, and who knows, it might become our new favorite!
Oh, I forgot.. I was REALLY surprised by their prices!! I walked out of there PLENTY full, and only spent $9.99 (plus tax)... so that was really nice! 
I might have forgotten to add some details, so if you want to know anything else about the restaurant, just ask me a question, and I'll answer it as best as I can. 
I wish I had taken a camera with me to take pictures, but I totally spaced out on that. Sorry.. maybe next time.
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I'm SO happy!
I just thought I'd let you know how happy and proud I am of myself!! 
Since I got my "equipment"(my books & calculator), it has been so much easier to actually do my weight watchers points! I believe that Monday was my VERY FIRST day that I actually did NOT go over my points!! As we were going to bed, I still had 1 point left for the day.. that made me happy!
Yesterday (Tuesday) I had plans to go out to dinner with some friends/co-workers. We decided to go to the Old Spaghetti Factory. I've never been there before, but I have wanted to try it for a while. I really did not want to go over my points, so I tried to save as many points as I could for dinner. I did REALLY good!  
For lunch I had green beans with corn (they were tasting really blah, so I added Organic Ketchup to them and that made them taste REALLY delicious!) Along with that I had one of my frozen entrees (grilled herb chicken from Stouffer's). That cost me 5 points. I also had Lipton with 6tsps of half & half which was 1 point. And finally for a snack later on I had 1 1/2 cups frozen blueberries which I counted as 2 points.
So for dinner, I had about 17 points to work with... 
Have you seen the menu for the Old Spaghetti Factory?? I printed off their nutrition info so I would have something to calculate from. Some of their very tempting dishes have like 30 points!! Oh my!
I think my friends got annoyed with me cause for the first 10 or so minutes, I wouldn't even talk. I just sat there trying to figure out what had the least amount of points. But I did good!
So for dinner I ended up going with their Minestrone Soup. It had 1 point. I didn't really like the taste of it. It was way too watery for my liking, but for 1 point, it was quite filling. For my main meal, I chose to go with the Spinach & Cheese Ravioli. It had 10 points, which is the least amount for their menu (unless you want to go with a salad withOUT dressing). The serving size was plenty. I actually ended up leaving a few raviolis on the plate without finishing them... after dinner they also bring free ice cream (about 1 scoop). That was unplanned for me, but I let myself enjoy it anyways. Their Spumoni ice cream cost me 4 points (definitely not worth it in my opinion). I was doing REALLY good. I still had 1 point left for the day... but that's without counting their DELICIOUS sourdough bread that they bring which you can smother with butter... that I could NOT resist. I want to say I had about 3 slices of that bread. I couldn't find exact numbers, but I figured out that 28g of that bread is about 2 points.. my calculator calculated my amount into 5 points. We had to cut our own bread, and who really knows what 28g of bread is?? So the bread was just a guess on my part.
So on Tuesday, I went over by a few points, but that's ok. I am still very happy with how I did! I am going to keep on trying, day by day, and hoping to see a huge difference in myself!
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Long Past Due
My goal in the beginning was to try and write everyday.. well, that does not seem to be a reality. I've missed about a whole week of updates.
Quick summary, our Vancouver trip was a blessing. We had a wonderful time, got to catch up with relatives, relax, and just spend lots of quality time together! 
My birthday was great too. Not as "all out" as I was planning/hoping for, but I am definitely grateful! I didn't get all the "items" off my birthday wish list, but lets just say that I did get the "funds" to buy the items if I really want to ; ) A big THANK YOU to all of you who came to our little party and for all the gifts! We are truly thankful!!
I am so totally excited today!! I've been having a really hard time following the Weight Watchers program cause I never know what has how many points.. WELL.. today FINALLY I went into a Weight Watchers "store" and bought a few awesome items.. I bought the calculator, the book with all the foods and their points listed AND the restaurant guide!! I am so happy!! I want to say that today has been my very first official day where I have stayed UNDER my allowed points!! I feel skinny already ; ) 

This has totally raised my hopes for weight loss!! I love the new tools!!
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Another Day.... came to an end
Wow!! What a day!! This one sure was a busy one!! 
This morning we decided to go for a walk at some Catholic park.. not cause we are Catholic or anything like that, but cause it was so pretty there.. It was a very serene, peaceful place. Lots of attractive areas to take pictures in. I thought I was done feeling nauseous, but there were several times during our walk that I thought I was going to throw up... not a fun feeling. And I know that a lot of you are probably thinking by now "maybe you're pregnant"... no. I am not lol.... 
Anyway, after we were done walking through the park, we stopped by Panda Express to have lunch. Since this IS a dieting diary, I will add some of that in here too. At the restaurant, I did not have a appetite. I got an order for the boys, split it into 4 parts. They each ate their part, I took probably 3-4 bites of mine, and I was done.. After that we went to YoCream. This is my review for the day: um.. whatever... yeah. Thats what I thought of the frozen yogurt place. At first, I was very excited. It looked different and fun. But when I actually went to buy the yogurt, I was very disappointed. You basically walk in, get a container and fill it with whatever frozen yogurt & toppings that you want and they charge 40 cents per oz. The "whatever" part is the part where they only have about 6 flavors to choose from. That's what ruined it for me. I was wanting something fancy and all they had was like Vanilla, Orange, a few Sorbets, and a few other flavors. No variety at all. My review conclusion is this: Its only fun if you like bland flavors. I got some for the boys and had about 1 tsp worth.. that was my whole lunch today. I was very happy to have eaten so little ; )
After that we took the kids (and ourselves) to the Portland Airport... we parked right by the strips where the planes land and where they take off. Not only was it fun for the kids, I totally enjoyed it. I've never been so close to such huge planes as they took off or landed. It was quite something. I know it sounds lame, but it really wasn't.... I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, the kids or me ; )
After that we went to IKEA. I know this is probably a shocker, but we have NEVER been there before.. I'm not sure what I thought of it. I guess its ok. I mean, there were several things in there that I thought were cute.. but a lot of it was not to my liking. I also didn't like the fact that you have to write numbers down... and that's how you shop... what if you write down the wrong number? Then there's a bunch of confusion that you have to deal with. I also worry that since it's pretty cheap prices, that the quality is also quite cheap and the stuff won't last long. I could have spent a lot more time in there... but we were running short on time, so we didn't have the luxury of examining everything we would have liked to... I'm glad we got to finally go there since I've been hearing so much about it. I'm pretty sure eventually, I will buy something from there ; )
Another one of my cousins that lives here in Vancouver invited us over for dinner.. so off we went. There was a lot of yummy food to choose from and enjoy... so much better than a restaurant. There was also a variety of homemade Russian goodies for dessert. I was so glad to have eaten so little today... it meant I could have a little extra for dinner and not feel quite so bad... This was the first time that I have actually talked to my cousins wife... sad, I know... but it turns out that I really liked her! She was very easy and fun to talk to.... I could have chatted with her for much longer... but we had to leave due to the fact that some people had to get up very early in the morning for work... 
We've been having such an amazing time here!! I love spending time with relatives... remembering our childhood... seeing how now its our kids that are playing (and fighting) together... makes me feel kinda old.. but gives me some sort of a warm "mature" feeling also.
I remember when we were young and would go on trips with my parents, and how we always got invited places and the parents would sit around the table all evening drinking tea and laughing.... its so amazing to me that now, that is us. 

 
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Day Two of Our Trip
Saturday night, we went to sleep after midnight. I woke up about 3 am, feeling so sick to my stomach I could not sleep. I felt SO nauseous! Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the bathroom and MADE myself throw up. I was in there for a long time.. when I came out, my cousin was standing there, waiting for me... lol.... I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was. So we went downstairs. We stayed up talking and drinking tea till about 6am. Finally, we decided we better get some sleep since we had to be up in an hour. It was very nice to catch up, but not at the time I expected to.
We were up again by 7:30am... had breakfast, and off to church we went. The service was nice. I felt a little odd since I was almost the only one wearing jeans.. but it was ok.
The funny thing is that we saw a lot of people from Spokane who we normally DON'T see in Spokane. There was a marriage conference here Friday & Saturday, so my guess is that they came here for that. 
After that we went to a Chinese restaurant with a few more relatives. I was still feeling nauseous, so I told the waitress that I wasn't gonna eat.. yeah... that didn't last long. Within about 10 minutes of sitting, watching everyone, and smelling the food, I decided I could handle a little. I was right, I could handle just a tiny bit, and I started to feel sick again. I am so shocked how horribly the Weight Watchers yogurt affected me. And yes, I'm still sticking to that as the culprit. I've gone over everything in my head, and all of us have been eating the same food, same everything, except for the one container of yogurt. BUT maybe that's how it helps to lose weight... by making a person throw up for 24 hours... hhhmm...
After the restaurant,we came back home and all decided to take a rest... I guess I fell asleep and slept for a whole 2 hours.. when I awoke, everyone was already waiting for me.. but I felt SOO good! It felt like my nauseousness went away for the most part and I felt awesome.
So we went for a walk along the Columbia River... that was SO beautiful!! And it gave me about 7000 steps.... There were condos lining the walk path.. and I decided that I would not mind living in one of those... lol... it was just beautiful!
On the way home, we grabbed some pizza (thats what the kids were asking for, and who minds pizza anyway?) Came home had dinner at around 10pm.. and went to sleep again... 
Another fun day came to an end... I love being on vacation!! It seems like anything we do is so much fun! Just being able to hang out, relax and not have to worry about anything... love the feeling!!



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Day One of Our Trip
Had to pack and finish up last minute details, so it was after midnight before we hit the bed. When the alarm went off this morning... it was SO hard to get up!! But knowing that we had fun waiting for us, made it easier. We were able to pack the car, eat breakfast, and were on the road at 8am..
Two hours into the trip, we all needed a break. So we made a pit stop in Pasco. The boys decided it was time for a snack, so off we went shopping at Walmart... I'm still trying to be conscious of my weight watchers points, so I was looking for something within my limit. I found a weight watchers yogurt that was only worth 1 point. So I decided to try it. I got the Berries and Cream kind... here is my review: ABSOLUTELY DO NOT BUY IT!! Taste wise, it was not too bad. I did not like the fact that I could taste fake sugar in it.. but other than that it was ok. Definitely did not taste delicious, but it was doable. Here's the bad part. Right after I ate it... my stomach started feeling really weird. And, it's been about 12 hours since I've eaten it, I still feel really sick to my stomach. And no, its not something else. I felt absolutely fine until I ate that yogurt. So... I will NOT be buying that again...
Back to our trip.. We got to Portland about 3 pm and went to have lunch at Elmers. Never heard of it before, but it was the only non fast food place by the outlet mall.. so we tried it. And actually, it was really pretty good. Nice, clean environment, friendly, and the food tasted really good at a very reasonable price. We'll have to see if we have one in Spokane. I guess I can say its like the higher end of a Denny's. Nothing fancy, but not even close to as bad as Denny's or Shari's. 
After that it was off to my shopping "heaven". Wow. You should see this outlet strip. It's CRAZY packed with so many fun stores!! My goal was to go into the Gap, the Coach, and a few of the other kids stores. Let me tell you, I could spend days here. The GAP was amazing. SO much to choose from, and the prices really ARE so much less than at the actual store!! I was very pleased. The next store that amazed me was the Osh Kosh for kids. Now THOSE are some awesome prices!! Really good quality stuff, and it was like 60% off!! After that we went through a few more stores. Stopped by the Ralph Lauren Polo store... as we were checking out, the cashier asked for our last name. Why?? So we told her to proceed without our last name, and she informed us that she could not. She needed our last name THAT bad. Ok, what kind of garbage is that?? We still refused. And wow, amazingly, she was able to check us out without having our last name since we wouldn't give it to her... how dumb is that!?
So then, finally we were on our way to my long awaited Coach store... I was so excited!! As we came up to the store, we noticed a HUGE line waiting by the entrance. That made me think twice... I was not about to wait in line to go into a store with 3 kids after spending all day driving, and then a few hours shopping. That was just not gonna happen. PLUS there was a security guy by the door and it looked like he was checking people. Don't ask me for what... that was just weird. So we walked up to the store, and I just stood peering into the window like a sad puppy who hasn't eaten in days looking into the window of a rotisserie chicken... and off we went... I did not get to even look at them up close... but the longer I peered at them... the less impressed I was with them. They were not really all the cute. And definitely not worth the hundreds that they cost. Its just all in the name. I noticed that about a lot of stuff. I'd pick up a shirt, and I'm not impressed with it in the slightest, but as soon as I see what brand it is, it instantly becomes so much cuter. How dumb is that!? Now don't get me wrong, I will NOT be upset if I get a Coach bag for my birthday.. no way.... but I'm over my obsession with them... time to move on ; )
After all that, we were finally on our way to my cousins house where we will be spending this trip. All of a sudden, there was HORRIBLE traffic!! And this is Saturday, at round 7pm. WHY would there be traffic?? So after being stuck in it for a long time we finally pulled up to the the culprit that was causing the commotion. It was a lonesome boat standing in the middle of the freeway. Really. All we saw was a tow truck hooking the boat and trailer to itself to haul it off.... odd..
Finally we made it to our destination. It is so nice to be here again. It's been 3 years, but I am sitting in the same exact bedroom as I did before. The family is so pleasant and so hospitable. The kids are getting along really great, and its really nice to chat with my cousin who I don't see very often! All my point counting went out the window as soon as I saw the cake she made for us... not only was it homemade, beautiful, but it was so very delicious!!
I gotta say, my diet didn't go so well today, but the rest of life sure did! I feel so amazingly blessed at this moment!! Thank God for everything, and for all the amazing people He brings into our lives!!  
I hope the next few days here are really wonderful!!
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My 2nd Week on Weight Watchers
This is Thursday. I weighed myself this morning. I was a little disappointed, but yet relieved at the same time. Let me explain. I have been on the weight watchers system since May 1st. Up to this day, I still have not had the time to actually study the program. That totally sucks! I keep telling myself to find the time to study the program and to PLAN!! I think that is my biggest down fall. I don't plan! I just need to figure out my meals for the full week and STICK TO THEM!!
This last week has NOT been a good diet week. Up until dinner, I do REALLY good... then its a baby shower feast... a day later its a Mothers Day feast.... a day after that its my Mother In Laws birthday feast. Has anyone ever tried to count points while eating foods at Russian parties?? Ugh! One salad (Olivye) contains like 10 different ingredients! But it sure does taste good! Seriously, eating foods NOT from a box is a bit time consuming when it comes to counting points...
Anyway, back to my weight in... Deep down inside, I knew that I was NOT going to lose any weight this week.. but I was really hoping NOT to gain any either. Well, I am happy to report that my "wish" came true. As I got on the scale this morning.. it showed exactly what it did last Thursday. 182.0 I did not gain, but I also did not lose. I just REALLY want to start being a lot more diligent! But then again, we are going on a trip to Portland for a 4 day weekend... How do you think I'm going to count points there while having NO access to the points calculator OR the IPhone.... just another reason why I need one ; )
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My Birthday Wish List
This post is going to be a little different.. and will only concern a few people.. unless someone just wants to be generous ; )... my 26th birthday is coming up quite fast and I have had several people ask me what it is that I would like for a gift. 

Most everyone knows that I am not shy when it comes to declaring my gift wish list. So instead of repeating myself I decided to just post my list here.. that way everyone can read it, and I will not have any idea who is planning to give me what ; ) Clever idea, isn't it  ; ) lol

So here I go: the one thing that I would like the most is an IPhone. I know, its ridiculous.. but hey, its MY wish list, isn't it? So aren't I allowed to wish for anything I want?? The 2nd thing on my list is a really nice big purse/bag preferably a Coach... hehehe... after that I am not too sure. Gift cards are always good. Since I am trying to lose weight, smaller clothes will hopefully come in useful sooner than later...I need summer shoes... so maybe a DSW gift card or something?? If you think you found the perfect shoe for me (I'm a shoe size 10) please keep in mind that I do not wear high heels... I also LOVE to get my hair & nails done (but ONLY at my particular place)...  I would also like most anything that has to do with Weight Watchers. Since I am just starting out with my plan with them, I think anything will be useful, especially the Points Calculator and maybe their cookbooks.... Last, but definitely NOT least I could ALWAYS use $$$!! That way, maybe I can save up and buy myself the actual gifts ; ) 

Hows that for a list?? Plenty to choose from??
Well, I sure do hope this works out for all of us ; ) Have fun shopping for me ; ) lol..... 
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1st Weigh In Since Starting Weight Watchers
You will NOT believe how excited I was when I saw the numbers on my scale on Thursday morning.... I was SO happy!! So far since starting my weight loss journey this year in January (starting weight: 194) I have NOT been able to get lower than 184 (I would teeter totter between 184 & 185).. its really been bothering me. 
Well, I am very happy to report that with only being on Weight Watchers for four days, I was able to lose 3.4 pounds!!! So crazy!! So my weigh in was at:  
Thats the lowest I've been able to get!! I am looking forward to my future results!!
I have to warn myself not to expect too much this following Thursday since last night I went to a baby shower... and lets just say that I was not even thinking about counting my points ; ) 
I gotta sit down today and make a menu for the following week. I can't just grab and go anymore. It has to be well planned out... I think thats the hard part about being on Weight Watchers. I REALLY gotta pay attention... but its worth it..
Well, have a WONDERFUL weekend!! Enjoy Mothers Day!! And may God bless you!!
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So excited, yet so nervous!!
I've been meaning to write for a while.. but life is just WAY too busy!! I keep telling everyone that I need an IPhone for my upcoming birthday... it would make my life so much simpler ; ) hint hint... to all of you who are wondering what to get me ; )
So I've been doing Weight Watchers for several days now... I gotta admit, it is quite confusing right now.. its really nice to have people who have already done it give me tips and clarify things for me... I think it would make a lot more sense to me if I had the time to sit and explore the website... but that has not been a reality yet.. maybe over the weekend I will..
Anway, so far I really like the program! It has been SUCH an eye opener!! I've taken the food that I would normally eat, and looked up their point values, and I was shocked!! For now I am allowed to have 25 points PER DAY. Seems like a lot, right?? Well, trust me, its NOT!! We bought Double Chocolate Muffins from Costco, I would normally eat one, maybe one and a half in one sitting with a glass of whole milk. When you look at it, it does not seem like much. BUT when I looked up the points value, ONE muffin has 16 points!! And the milk has 4 points I believe... well, that would pretty much be all the food I could have that day. SO CRAZY!! 
So now I am trying to make much smarter decisions... eating a lot more fruits and veggies, and really lowering my portions.
Tomorrow is my "big day"! My first weight in since starting weight watchers. I am really excited cause I feel like I have lost weight, but also, just knowing how differently I have been living the last few days, I just can't imagine not having lost anything... but there is a fear in me. I am very afraid that for some odd reason the scale will NOT show me a weigh loss... that would totally suck!!
I will let you know how it goes.... stay tuned.....
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A New Start!
So I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. For some odd reason, I was feeling REALLY down. I think it might be hormonal ; ) I had several people text me, call me, or email me with WONDERFUL UPLIFTING words. Its so amazing to have caring people around. Thanks to all of you for being so sweet! 
I talked to one particular person who said she was having the same weight loss issues as me. But within the last 8-10 weeks or so, she has lost 35 pounds!! Now that to me is INSPIRING!!! Anyway, she said that the one thing she would recommend is Weight Watchers. Well, that was just the push I needed. I have been contemplating using Weight Watchers for probably over a year now, but it always just seemed too expensive and I wasn't sure if it would really work. I now know of about 5 people PERSONALLY who I have actually talked to that have lost weight using Weight Watchers and would totally recommend it. 
So guess what!!?? Last night, I FINALLY signed up for Weight Watchers!! I am so totally excited about it!! They made me set a "small" goal on there of losing 5% of my weight... so when I hit 176, I will celebrate!! It seems so doable now. 
Ugh!! I am just so excited this morning!! I'm full of hope!! I haven't eaten yet since signing up, but I can tell you for sure that after studying their "guide" I am so much more aware of the foods that I've been eating and how much they REALLY affect my weight!
I know that it will take a few days, maybe even weeks, for me to fully understand how the system works, but I am really looking forward to it! Right now I am signed up for 3 months, so August 1st is my last day on it for now.. which is basically perfect cause I hope to have lost quite a lot of weight by then, after all, my little brothers wedding is August 7th.. and I want to look and feel awesome by then!! I want to enjoy the day, and I want to take LOTS of pictures!!
Wow! Its so hard to explain how excited I am!! I just hope no one puts a damper on my mood today by commenting on how many diets I've already tried...
I hope you enjoy your day .. God bless you!!
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Thursdays Weight In AFTER the hotel weekend
I'm not too excited this morning. A little depressed actually. I am just wondering: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!?? I just don't get it. WHY am I so obsessed with weight loss. Yeah, I KNOW I need to lose about 30 pounds. But this is driving me insane! I think about losing weight 90% of the time. As I'm going to sleep, I try to think of ways to lose. I wake up and the first thing on my mind is what can I do today to try to lose. All day... even during the busiest times at work, the thoughts are there. I'm sitting there freaking out about how busy we are, and yet I manage to sneak in a thought or two about what I should and shouldn't eat. I mean really, I KNOW that's not normal!! I hate it! I hate having this constant turmoil in my brain. If the obsession worked, and I was actually ABLE to lose weight, that would be one thing. But all I do is think about it. 
I try to lose weight, but it just WON'T come off!! I've tried so much, that every time I try something new, people actually laugh at me and think its all just a joke. I totally understand why. But deep down it hurts so bad. I've cried so much over this.Its not just an outside issue for me. It is a deep pain in my heart and soul. I guess people who don't have the same issue as me just don't understand. Theres been moments where we are at get togethers, and random people make a comment about my weight, I seriously have to leave the room right then and there so that they won't see me cry. Theres been moments where I can't leave, so I have to just smile and pretend I think they're comment is funny, when deep down I am just SO hurt. Why can't people understand that?? Why do people think its all fun and games when they ask (out of no where) "did you gain weight?" or "Are you pregnant?" (when they know perfectly well that I am NOT). My husbands aunts do this to me all the time. They have nothing else to talk to me about, so the only subject is ALWAYS my weight. Its like seriously, after 10 years of being around me, they would find something else to talk about. But no. Its always how big I get. Drives me crazy! Its makes a HUGE difference thought that my husband is so supportive! If he notices someone commenting on my weight, he always jumps in and either shuts them up or stands up to them in my defense. I am SOO thankful for him!!
I really should write a summary of everything that I have tried so far... it is such a crazy, exhausting list. If only you knew how much diet "equipment" I have spent money on. Its INSANE!!! I've gone through so much, and I've lost basically NOTHING expect my time... this is all just so frustrating. My life is absolutely PERFECT except for this one thing! I could not have asked for a better life, and I am SO thankful to GOD for everything... this weight loss thing is like a thorn. Its painful, annoying, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't get rid of it. But I guess if I was as skinny as I want to be... then life would be TOO perfect.
I don't mean to rant and rave... well, actually, I do. I think its time I "vented". This is actually making me feel a lot better. I think this is the one aspect of my life where I do NOT have peace. It just constantly bothers me. Even my kids are aware of my continuous struggle. We sit down at the table for dinner and they ask me "mommy, are you still on a diet?" "What is it this time that you can't eat?" Or if we go somewhere, and I pile on my plate, they check it out and ask "aren't you NOT supposed to eat that?" Wow.. writing this down is opening up my eyes. Its like I'm crazy or something. 
Ok. well. I feel a little better having gotten this out in the open. To those of you who write encouraging "notes" to me (either by text, email, or any other way) THANK YOU! You do NOT know how uplifting it is to me!! Makes a HUGE difference!! 
So here is my weigh in this past Thursday morning (April 29th)... AFTER we spent that weekend at the hotel mainly relaxing and eating... 


Also, I wanted to post a few pix to show you how it is that I look at my current weight... You can not imagine how terrifying this is for me to do. To actually post a picture ABOUT my fat. Normally, I only take pictures at certain angles so that I look thinner. But not these. This is the REAL me in about as tight of clothes as I have.. but do NOT wear without my "fat hiders"... ugh... this is embarrassing!!

This post feels like therapy. I've vented all my feelings, I've cried, I've had my hopes lifted, I've faced my fear of "exposing" my true fat self.. all while writing this..
 
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    Spokane, WA, United States
    I am blessed to be a wife to a wonderful man and a mom to 3 amazing boys!! God has blessed me and I am forever grateful! My 1 struggle in life has been my weight... its a hard burden to carry.

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